Park This Where the Sun Don't Shine
Hello. Welcome to the Weekend Gene Pool. Today, you will be given an opportunity to brag. We all know bragging is unseemly; we witness it every day, oozing out of the White House. We rightfully and righteously condemn it.
Above is a photograph from two days ago. It is of my car, taken moments after I brilliantly executed one of the most difficult and glorious parking achievements in modern history. It was possible because I am the greatest parallel parker who ever lived. Nobody has ever seen anything like it. They say, “Sir, you are the greatest parallel parker who ever lived.”
The great parking job came during rush hour traffic on Fourth Street NW in Washington D.C. I was hunting for a spot without success. Suddenly, I saw a small space, about the length of my car. It was on the other side of the street, with traffic coming in the opposite direction. I veered across that traffic, nosed into the spot at a 90 degree angle, reversed, then jockeyed forward into parallel-park mode, discommoding traffic in both directions now. Other drivers looked unhappy. One honked.
I realized I had one shot to back into that spot, or I might become the victim of road rage. And, indeed, I did it in one move, with two subsequent to-and-fro stabilizing rocks.
Here are the peripheral photos, front and back.
The thing about this achievement is that I really do believe I am the greatest parallel parker in human history, and Rachel is second. Which brings us pretty directly to today’s Weekend Gene Pool Gene challenge.
Tell us something about which you are inordinately and obnoxiously proud. Make it funny. I asked this question about a year ago, and got some interesting results. Much time has passed. We’ve got many new subscribers and have collectively suffered many new challenges. Let’s open it up again.
Please, send your braggadocio to The Mailbag, not “Comments”:
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Today’s Gene Pool Gene Poll:
Might you consider becoming a subscriber? And if you are subscribing already, a paying subscriber? That means you’d be my boss and can order me around.
And now, from the mailbag.
Q: Regarding your column about a troubled teenage girl, Donald Trump and Monsignor Bryan Walsh. Now do another good turn and publish the address of the Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Miami, 7707 NW 2nd Ave Miami 33150, so others can join me in making a donation. — Matt
A: Done. And their phone number is (305) 795-0077. And their website is ccadm.org .
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Q: This is an excellent story.
A: It is, indeed. You really don’t need to read past the headline, which tells it all.
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Q: Not long from now — maybe next month, maybe next year — AI is going to steal every single dollar of cryptocurrency on the planet. The blockchain is no longer invulnerable. You heard it here first.
A: Why couldn’t it steal all the money from our bank accounts, too?
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A: Absolutely. Speaking of which, and we’ll end here, have you seen the video of the horrific brutality committed by NYC cops on a man they suspected of possessing drugs? (He, in fact, had no drugs on him.). It happened in a liquor store. These cops need to be fired and prosecuted.
I need to warn you: This is very, very difficult to watch. Very violent, very cruel. Bad language, too.
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That’s it for today.