Journalism job postings will reflect our dystopia

Welcome to the 2026 Global Journalism Jobs Board, where the boss might be a chatbot, and the skills you need aren’t taught in any journalism school. These job postings are imaginary, but the trends behind them are very real. We’re living in Donald Trump’s world, where AI butlers give you answers faster than news websites load, where LLM bots scrape the Internet and will sell you stuff, and where war is moving closer — and so is the bankruptcy of local publishers. But we can still laugh, and somewhere, someone is already thinking of a business model that rides these trends. Those are the ones you should hire.

TRUMP COMPLIANCE OFFICER

A U.S. news organization seeks an experienced executive for an exciting new role. You will work across all departments to assist reporters and editors in self-censorship; rewrite our stylebook when words become “restricted” or purged by the government; liaise with the EU team on divergence; and lead emergency SLAPP-defense drills.

You will also be responsible for tracking agency rule flips (White House/ DOJ/FCC/State/Pentagon/ICE) that affect visas, platform moderation, press access and other matters that might impact our operations.

Requirements:

• Experience decoding Truth Social posts is essential.
• Must maintain real-time awareness of 3 a.m. policy reversals.
• Must be comfortable explaining to Pulitzer winners why their byline is a brand risk.
• Must have the ability to rewrite stories within 45-minute news cycle windows.
• A degree in teen psychology would be a bonus.
• Former climate correspondents need not apply.

Temporary contract till Nov. 2028, with possible extension depending on the presidential election results.

FACTSLOP CONTAINMENT SPECIALIST

Join our freshly formed Generative Engine Optimization (GEO) department to develop new capabilities for the age of AI.

You will work alongside 10 other people, mostly reassigned from reporting, fact-checking and SEO duty, and one newly hired OpenAI ads optimization and liaison officer, who will be your supervisor. They will report to OpenAI’s junior bot.

Primary duties:

• Identify which hallucinations of top LLMs require correction vs. strategic ambiguity on a day-to-day basis.
• Determine if correction will rank worse than the original lie and propose a course of action to improve the ranking.
• Produce massive volumes of copy for LLM ingestion to override training data, or design smart ways of prompting to inject the truth into the data.
• Draft apologies that don’t hurt our AI partnership revenue.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

A local legacy outlet with a proud 100-year history seeks a visionary leader. This is a part-time job in a newsroom of one.

A successful candidate will have a driver’s license to drive Uber for the rest of the time, especially during surge hours. This will be beneficial to newsgathering in the local community, as well as supplementing your income.

Responsibilities will include:

• Maintaining our long-standing standards of excellence (between rides);
• Writing and editing flagship investigations of local corruption (voice-to-text while driving acceptable);
• Representing our publication at conferences (doubles as a fundraising effort).

You will have excellent multi-tasking skills, and must have your own libel and car insurance. Recent MBA graduates are especially encouraged to apply.

EUROPE WARFARE CORRESPONDENT

An exciting opportunity to cover the continent’s fastest-growing beat with a big future!

You will cover informational, narrative, cyber, sanctions, hybrid and other types of warfare (even conventional ones, as soon as they start). Sub-threshold operations, including electoral interference, refugee weaponization, energy blackmail, grooming of right-wing politicians by undercover GRU agents are all part of this exciting beat!

Knowledge of European geography and military history is a must, especially in regions bordering Russia and Belarus.

Experience with drones would be a bonus (both reporting and dodging), as would experience covering Ukraine and Gaza.

CHIEF LITIGATION AND LICENSING OFFICER

In this day and age, if you don’t lawyer — you don’t publish! A global leader of the news industry seeks a hawkish, results-driven C-level executive to own the courtroom in cases against major AI makers and related commercial entities. You will report directly to the CEO and your success will be measured in funds contributed to the bottom line through litigation and licensing.

You will:

• Orchestrate lawsuits against AI summaries, LLM crawlers, scraped archives and other IP breaches.
• Find creative ways to collect evidence at scale and make your litigation strategy scary enough to make settlements look boring and easy.
• Identify new opportunities for class action lawsuits against AI companies.
• Assemble and lead an aggressive legal team with bonuses tied to settlements won in court.
• Propose creative ways of licensing the organization’s content to AI companies.